Have you dealt with your money trauma?

At a glance:

Money struggles are often rooted in emotional and generational experiences, not a lack of discipline. Many South Africans carry old financial wounds that still influence their choices today:

• Money trauma begins with moments that made you feel unsafe or ashamed about finances, often long before adulthood.
• These experiences can lead to anxiety, avoidance or compulsive behaviours around money.
• Feelings of guilt, fear or unworthiness can shape how you spend, save and earn.
• Healing begins with awareness, gentle education and small habits that rebuild trust in yourself.
• Your relationship with money can change, even if your past felt unstable or overwhelming.

Dealing with your money trauma: understanding the emotional roots of your financial behaviour

Most people think money struggles are about income, debt or budgeting, but for many South Africans, the real issue sits much deeper. What looks like overspending, avoiding bank statements, chronic anxiety around bills or never feeling financially safe often traces back to earlier experiences that left emotional marks - marks that follow you into adulthood without you even realising it. This is what we call money trauma, and if you’ve ever felt fear, shame or panic around your finances, you’re far from alone.

What causes money trauma

Money trauma is not limited to big dramatic events. It can come from smaller but repeated experiences that made you feel unsafe or ashamed about money. It is the emotional baggage that forms when your early relationship with money is shaped by stress, instability or harsh lessons.

It includes things like:

• Growing up in a household where money was always scarce.
• Hearing adults fight about bills or debt.
• Being criticised for spending or wanting things.
• Losing a job suddenly (or having a breadwinner in your household lose their job).
• Watching your family lose a home or business.
• Experiencing financial abuse in a relationship.
• Taking on adult financial responsibilities at a young age.

None of these moments happen in isolation. They settle in your subconscious and shape how you react to money today. They may affect how much you trust yourself, how secure you feel and how confident you are when making financial decisions.

How money trauma shows up in everyday life

Many people blame themselves for their financial habits, thinking they are just being irresponsible or lazy. But most patterns are not about discipline - they are about protection. Your brain tries to shield you from discomfort, even if the results cause more stress later.

Here are some common ways money trauma reveals itself:

Hyper-vigilance and chronic anxiety

This looks like constant worry about expenses or worst-case scenarios. You might feel that financial security is temporary – as if everything could vanish tomorrow – which can lead to over-control or fear of taking any financial risks. For many people, this anxiety also shows up physically through tension, disrupted sleep or a sense of dread when bills arrive.

Avoidance, denial and financial neglect

Others cope by shutting down. This can mean avoiding bank statements, procrastinating on budgeting or refusing financial conversations even in close relationships and you may feel a sense of numbness or detachment around anything financial.

Compulsive spending or hoarding

Trauma can push behaviour to either extreme. Compulsive spending may offer brief emotional relief or a sense of control, especially for those who grew up with deprivation. Hoarding sits on the other side of the spectrum, an urge to cling to every cent because spending feels unsafe. This can include refusing to use savings or feeling anxious about buying even the most basic necessities.

Deep sense of unworthiness, guilt or shame around money

Money trauma often shapes how people see themselves. You might feel guilty spending on yourself, even on small essentials, because you internalised the idea that wanting comfort or pleasure is greedy. This can spill into earning patterns, too, like accepting lower pay or avoiding salary negotiations because you don’t believe you deserve more.

Long-term instability: difficulty saving, investing, or planning ahead

Even when income improves, shifting from survival mode to stability can be hard. Many people struggle to save consistently because it feels unsafe to rely on the future. Planning ahead or investing can trigger anxiety rather than excitement. This often leads to ongoing cycles of living paycheck to paycheck or recurring debt, even when opportunities increase.

How to start healing your relationship with money

Healing money trauma is not about becoming perfect with your finances. It is about feeling calmer, clearer and more in control. Here are steps that can help you begin your healing journey.

Put your feelings into words

You may be carrying financial fears you have never said out loud. Try writing or talking about moments that shaped how you think about money. Even a few sentences can make a difference. Naming the experience is the first step in loosening its power.

Consider speaking to a therapist or counsellor

A trained professional can help you understand your patterns and build healthier responses. You do not need to wait for a crisis before you seek support. Therapy is a safe space to explore beliefs that may be holding you back. Many people are surprised by how quickly things begin to make sense once they begin talking through them.

Learn the basics of money in a gentle way

Knowledge builds confidence. When you understand how budgeting, saving and debt work, you begin to feel more capable and less afraid. If you grew up without strong financial guidance, learning now is not too late. Simple education can shift old beliefs and help you form new habits.

If you’re ready to go a step further, Truth About Money’s practical, bite-sized short courses — from Ditching Debt to Cash Crunch — can help you build money skills no matter where you’re starting. If you’re looking for a deeper dive into money management, you can also sign up for the 8-hour Financial Independence course.

Forgive yourself for past mistakes

Financial shame keeps many people from moving forward. You may have made choices that were not ideal, but those choices often came from fear, not carelessness. Forgiving yourself is part of healing. Remember, the past does not define your future.

Build small, consistent money habits

Start with one small habit that feels manageable. Commit to checking your balance once a week. Save a tiny amount each month. Track one category of spending. Small steps rebuild trust in yourself and show your nervous system that money is a tool rather than an enemy.

Create moments of safety around money

Do your financial tasks in a calm environment. Sit somewhere comfortable, put on some music, and breathe. The goal is to teach your brain that engaging with money does not have to feel dangerous.

You can change your story

Money trauma does not disappear overnight, but it can heal. You can learn a new way of relating to your finances that feels calmer and kinder. Your past may have shaped your habits, but it does not have to shape your future.

Every step you take toward clarity, knowledge and self-compassion is a step away from fear. And you can start that today.